7 Things your Muslim wife won’t tell you &
The several things that husbands want from their wives
Wajih Ahmed & Abd Al Wadood
Most men have a hard time understanding women. Even a woman they’ve been married to for years.
One minute she’s perfectly fine, the next, she’s crying like a baby.
She complains about something but when we offer advice on how to fix it, she still isn’t satisfied.
After several years of marriage (and counseling) I’ve learned to not worry so much about what my wife says. Instead, I should worry about what she doesn’t say.
1. Above all, She Wants Your love
When a wife shows her husband less respect, he in turn shows her less love.
And when a husband shows his wife less love, she in turn shows him less respect.
And the vicious cycle repeats itself.
Stop this prophecy before it becomes self-fulfilling. Show love to your wife.
That’s what she wants. Love her despite her flaws and quirks.
And Inshallah, she’ll respect you despite your flaws and quirks.
2. She’s Bored
It’s the same thing every day.
Week in and week out.
Not only is she bored but she’s also tired.
She has to care for the kids and run the household and then pamper you.
Just thinking about doing that every day makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide. I can imagine how the average Muslim housewife must feel.
And let’s not forget about working woman. Many Muslim women have to work a full time job as well as hold a house down.
So brothers, I implore you, make your wife feel special. Give her a break.
Take her out sometimes. Surprise her with a surprise meal. Bring her favorite desert home.
Just do something every now and then to break the monotony.
3. She Wants to be Complimented
Appreciation. Everybody wants it. No one wants to feel as if the hard work they do goes unnoticed or even worse, it taken for granted.
Your wife does not have to clean your dirty clothes. And she does not have to cook your meals. But she does. And she does that on top of all the other things in her life:
Caring for the kids.
Working or going to school.
Striving to be a better Muslimah.
Show your Muslim wife that you appreciate and are thankful for the things she does to maintain you and your family. A simple “thank you” is a good start.
4. She’s Insanely Jealous
There’s a reason most women don’t care for polygamy. Be very careful how you talk about other women around your wife. Don’t ever compare your wife to another woman.
Don’t compare her to some female movie star.
Don’t compare her to your mother.
Never, ever compare her to your ex-wife (or other wife!)
She’s wants to know and believe that she is the center of your universe. So make her feel that way.
Even the Prophet’s (pbuh) wives got jealous. Aisha (RA) even got jealous of Khadijah (RA) who was dead.
Expect, and respect, the same type of jealousy from your wife.
5. She Wants You to Help Her become A Better Muslimah
I can’t stress enough the importance of men taking the role of leader within their families.
And that’s the problem with a lot of Muslim men these days.
Not only are they not being good leaders, they’re being led by their wives (or mothers, or other women in their lives).
Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to be show her how to be a better Muslimah?
But you can’t show her how to become better if you’re not that great either. Therefore, you have to upgrade your Iman. You have to improve yourself and then pass it on to her in a gentle, respectful way.
6. She Doesn’t Like to Nag, But Sometimes You Make It Hard
It’s a common myth that women like to nag their husbands. That’s not entirely true.
Yes, there are some people (men and women) whom you can never please. No matter what you do, they’ll always find fault in something. Let’s be reminded of the following hadith:
Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.” – Sahih Bukhari.
So, yes sisters should be careful about denegrating the things your husband does for you.
But very often, you brother, make it hard for her to hold your tongue.
Perhaps you’re always finding fault with her and she looks for things in your character to get even.
Perhaps you’re not working (or not working hard enough) and she has to work to take up some slack.
Perhaps you’re just not that great of a guy.
Once again, upgrade yourself and give her less reasons to complain and nag.
7. More Than Anything, She Wants a Stable, Happy Relationship With You
Women don’t get married just because they think it’s gonna be fun.
They get married because they want a happy family life and they believe you’re gonna give it to them.
Outside of her religious duties, that’s the most important thing in a Muslim woman’s life. Raising a happy, stable, Muslim family.
The funny thing is, it’s very easy for you to give that to her.
Stop acting like a jerk. Be a good husband to her. Be kind. Show her you love her.
Don’t threaten her with divorce or taking a second wife.
Yes, you have the right to do both. But using them as threats is inappropriate and detrimental to your marriage.
Trust in Allah, watch out for the tricks of Shaytan, and be patient with her.
There’s nothing Shaytan would love more than to destroy your marriage.
See? That isn’t all that hard, now is it?
The several things that husbands want from their wives
What is important in these discussions is to emphasize that men and women are different. therefore what seems normal to you might seem abnormal to your spouse. To make a marriage work such fundamental differences need to be respected and not mocked. For example in the article below point number 4 may seem strange to many men. We don’t mind if our wives compare us to movie starts to be honest. but women do mind so that should be respected. and women shouldnt be judged on that.
Anyhow i feel that men’s side of the story should be heard as well. so here we have as supplement to article below, the several things that husbands want from their wives:
1. A wife should really look after herself. if you are going to let yourself go then it is only going to complicate your life with your husband. so try and look your best whenever possible. look pleasing to your husband. it’s not that hard to do.
2. Don’t humiliate your husband when he displays an emotional side. it is often that women complain of emotionally detached husbands yet when they do display emotion they insult them by telling them they are acting like women or not being man enough. that should be avoided.
3. We hate it when wives want us to guess what they are feeling. if there is a problem then just talk about it without wanting your husband to guess what the problem is.
4. When men don’t love their wives the wives stop respecting them. so men should show more love to their wives. however wives should also not make this a self-fulfilling prophecy and respect their husbands even if they seem to be less attached to you.
5. With the arrival of kids, husbands should still get some of your attention and should not be completely neglected.
6. Be kind to your husband. many men have difficulty in expressing themselves. if you are unkind then they will not confide in you many things which will cause problems in your marriage eventually.
7. Don’t be ungrateful to your husband whenever things get bad and remember he isn’t perfect; yet has in the past done things to please you.
So if you are a woman and find yourself tutting impatiently over this list then know that some men did the same when they read the article below. and both are wrong. unless there is mutual respect and acceptance of diverse needs there can never be a happy relationship.